I grew up as a little girl whose accustomed of being bullied. It seems like every person in this whole world combine their forces to make me as living target. Like who you asked? Most of them are my family, 80% of my friends, 80% of the stranger and etc, etc.
My mother and I lived together in our grandfather's house with my aunt before my uncle move in and my aunt get married and move out. My aunt was worse of the bully. She hits me very often, verbally abused me. She never liked me around, not because she don't like kids, but because she don't like me. My mom said they had a fight, and since my grandparent sided with my mom, so I became a target. My mom and my grandparent will protect me, but there's so little they can do. I just remember one day, my mom run out of patience, and they fight again because of me. In front of their siblings.
My uncle ( never mind which uncle ) was indeed very nice to me when I was four to six years old. And then I started school, he became very verbally abusive. Because I was very afraid ( though he never hit me ), I never really cried in front of him, my mom knows it but there is nothing she can do about it. I don't blame her though. Most of the stuff in our house belong to him, and he was the powerful figure in my house since my grandfather died. It come to a point where he can't even hear me laugh or he'll give me those scary eyes even when my mom was around. I was being bullied? yes. But perhaps he just don't like kids.
These are only two of the major bullies in my life. I was bullied at school and at home. There's my brother, who made me a punching bag, there's this girl in kindergarten, whose me made an outcast, take my lunch money and all.
You can't blame me when I said I have trust issues. All of the people mention above are super nice to me now. My aunt, I believe ( and I want to believe ) were punished by God, her first marriage was a bombed, her second husband is a drug addict, her son was abuse by her second husband and admitted to a hospital for a month. But most of all, she's nice to me now. I guess it showed her that having your child abused was painful to bear. My uncle is the super nicest of all. Not that he was punished or anything, but I never held grunge toward him. I learned later that he actually helped my mom a lots when I was in boarding school, needing money and all.
There were times when I was early teenager, I was a rebel. I was a hot-tempered, I hated everyone, I think everyone has been plotting something behind my back. I hated life, I attempted suicide once ( there you go, my other confession, but in another time okay? ) I was depressed, but I can still keep up my good grade. I have no one to talk to except my counselor, which I visited almost every month. None of my family and friend notice the different, they just thought I was a cranky teenager. I didn't know how in the hell people can be happy all the time.
But in term of trust, I just don't have it. Not to anyone in this whole world. They haven't done anything that can earn them my trust.
