Quitting Smoking

It's been a year since I had my last cigarette. It came naturally, simply because I can't find the time to smoke without my mom being suspicious and without the smell linger for hours. I've been on and off with smoking for the last five years and I think this is the longest I can go without even touching a single cigarette. Needless to say, I'm happy with the life I've chosen and this is the best I can do to my body ( despite the fact that I can't stop eating greasy stuff and red meat.)

Now that I've quit smoking, the smoke and the smell that linger after my co-workers on cigarette break on toilet make me dizzying as hell. I can even smell the slightest amount of a prove that someone is smoking. My boss even asked me why I hate people who smoke so much, because each time he tried to lit a cigarette around me, my nose cringe and I instantly brought a tissue to my nose as if trying to covering any smell. Seriously, I don't hate smoking. I just can't stand the smell. Because I used to smoke and the smell brought up any trace of addiction I once have. I afraid I might not be able to control myself. There are times when after I had dinner ( usually dinner I don't know why ), I longed for something . And usually I just chew gum or eat something really sour to cover up my urge to smoke. It's hard at first but as the times goes, the urge just disappear.

Love always,

DH

Alter Ego

When I was an adolescence, I was so emotional and hot tempered. I don't know why. But sometimes I will reason myself. A lots of times I will become so absorb with myself that I eliminate myself from the surroundings. On the other time, I wish to be part of the community, socialize and mingle with my peers. I wouldn't understand myself. I see the hatred on my friend's eyes when I rise to the boil. But when my temperature has cooled down, I see their confusion. How could my friends understands me when I don't even understands myself?

A lot of moment I thought maybe I suffer from a bipolar disorder. Because I can look depressing at times and I can look overjoyed on the other times. It's confusing. But I don't really have all the symptoms, and I am pretty sure I am not cracked on the head like some of the serious bipolar people. 

But as I got older, I started develop some sense of liking towards certain things. Usually it differ from time to time. I would like a black and red weddings, like a blood red it is. I like Metal, depressing music. I like Black Hole (literally), I love horror novel, some murder stuff. I even thinking of some murder. I hate kids, and feel like tearing them in pieces. I hate romantics, pinky stuff, flowers. I am arrogant bitch and like to walk with my chin up. I like fighting, violent, blood and tears. It was confusing. My inner thought is cruel. 

But in other times, when I am surrounded with my family and my mom, people I love. I became the opposite of what mention above. I like beach, waterfall, pink and blue, cats and dogs. I cried on the murder stuff, I even cried at seeing the sights of people on the rain without umbrella. I like romantics song and movie. I will absorb myself in the flowery stuff you have ever see. I love children and wanting them for my own. I am shy little girl ( well not very little aren't I? ) . I like Twilight, Fifty Shades of gray. I am dress in the most girly clothes ever. 

I had create a tons of fictional names. From Micca to Jenny. That's when I realize that it is not bipolar. I have my alter ego.  My normal self wouldn't about any of those things but when I feel lonely, even in the middle of the crowd, I will call my first alter ego. But when I'm in need of love, surrounded by lovely people, I am on my second alter ego. 

It would take longer than I expected to sort what going on in my head. But by having this things, it make me secure. I am shattered , broken in pieces so that is why I need a character to stay in one pieces. 

I'm the biggest failure for my family, for my mom. With a diploma I earned, I accomplished nothing. I can't even get a decent job. I can never enjoyed the salary I got. My mom always complaining how I'm not being helpful.

I am stuck in my hometown while my others friend continue their studies. Some even work with the famous people. Even my high school best friend, work with the government. All I do was wake up every morning, mourning for the job I have, with the little payment I got. I got skills, but I don't see where's that skills taking me.

I can't even get it right at home. My mom always angry at me and saying how I'm a big disappointment to her. I was suppose to be studying to help the family, but now that I finished my study, I stuck at home working like crazy and got paid nothing, burden with the study loan, car installment, bills etc. Sometimes I thought its better for me not to get diploma and straight to work after SPM so at the age of 22, I have skills and experience to make more money.

You know what anger me most? how my mom practically begged me to stay with her but nagging almost everyday for not being helpful. I actually got jobs offer from other states and districts, with impressive salary profile, but I decline just to stay with her.

JC - Who could have thought reading can be addictive?

I had never thought I could write again. My hectic schedule has been me keeping for writing. Writing and reading always something I am fond to. It never cease to amaze me. I can go on reading for days and even months if there is new book in town. Deep down my thought, I prefer trilogy or series because the fun wouldn't ended in just one book. This month I'd even read 2 trilogy. The Hunger Games trilogy and Fifty Shades Trilogy. I love them. why? Simple. Because they were books. My addiction to books always swept me off my feet. Sound like a man isn't it? I love them because they distract me. Distract me? from Everything. Life. Love. Career. Finance. For once my mind couldn't care less about any of those. I would go days without TV, food, and sleep. Yes it is addictive. Anyone with this kind of hobby will know. Simple though. You don't need tons of money for it. (Likewise, I download it. yeah I know but how do I say? it FREE!!)

Okay down to my books. I started my craziness this month with The Hunger Games. I want to make sure I read the book before I watch the movie. Now that I I've read the books. I don't feel like watching them anymore. I saw critics on Internet about the movie. Yes Jennifer Lawrence is divine for the role Katniss Everdeen, but I'm not sure about Peeta. Though it helps a little when you know who you're going to imagine.  it's not the best novel I read. But I gave a rank of 4/5. See? I can tolerate. In fact I would give Twilight 2/5. I am not into literature concept. But Twilight don't have moral value in it. The hunger Games? Alots. I'd bee stupid if I didn't notice the message the writer tries to send to the reader. It was obvious. But Twilight? maybe for a little entertainment. But as far as I am concern, it only bring to much craziness among the teenager.

and my latest addition, Fifty Shades of Grey. What can I say?? Wow. I cannot stop blushing in between the reading. wonder why? Well consider I am the celibate single women ( did I say Virgin?), yes it was blushing. Sometimes I just skip the part of BDSM. Too much revelation , too much violent, Yeah I'm kinda Anastasia  in that department. By the way, despite of it lack of literary content ( it exist purely based on pleasure, Like it was done on a hurry to seal some business deal ), the grammar, the spelling. Urgh my head from hurt of all it.   They were still awesome plot to the novel. you read and you want to know where this is going. unlike some  of the novel you pretty knock out the ending of it ( knock out eh? ). It has awesome story. but because it based on Twilight fansite, the character do not differs much from Twilight. How is that ? read and you find the uncanny resemblance. 

Of course I've read other novel. Do I need to make a list? I've read Interview with the vampire. Some novel from Sophie Kinsella , and many more. Don't want to make a books of it wouldn't it? I'm really looking forward to read Darkfever and it series. I heard it Good and they already making some kind of a movie deal. Now here's the challenge. I need to finish that book before they got on screen. Well, you get the idea.

xoxo
JC

Product Review : Loreal Elvive Total Repair 5

I had been using a lot of shampoo and gone through lots of major changes on my hair. In the past I used Rejoice,  Pantene, Dove, Sunsilk, and Herbal Essences. Before I tried out Loreal , I had figured the best shampoo and that would be Herbal Essences. However, after few months on it, my hair started to feel very oily, ( not moisturize), I thought the ingredient was going a little to far with my hair. So I let it rest for a while. Entering the new semester in 2011, I was looking for a shampoo that could help me survive the whole busy day, so among varieties of shampoo on the market's selves, I picked out Loreal Elvive Total Repair 5 shampoo, along with it own conditioner ( always use the same brand for your conditioner as sometimes it compliment the whole process). 

   Pretty much say after two months of being a consumer, I think Loreal Elvive Total Repair 5 works the best. On my colored and damaged hair ( Let just say I have tried out all the chemical treatment for hair), my split end is finally solved.  With my previous experience in the past, usually a shampoo with a moisturizer solved my split end  but often leave my hair with oily texture, I have to wash it very often which was a little tacky since I am full-time student and that require much of my time. Fortunately with this magic Loreal Elvive Total Repair 5, it works just fine, no oily-hair , no split end, and I could just woke up in morning feeling a little boasted over my hair. :)

Cat cat cat!!

Maine Coon

The Maine Coon is noted for its large bone structure, rectangular body shape, and long, flowing coat. The breed can be seen in a variety of colors and is known for its intelligence and gentle personality. They often be found with long-hair or medium-haired. The coat is soft and silky, although texture may vary with coat color.The length is shorter on the head and shoulders, and longer on the stomach and flanks with some cats having a lion-like ruff around their neck. Minimal grooming is required for the breed, compared to other long-haired breeds, as their coat is mostly self-maintaining due to a light-density undercoat. They are easily train and height of adults can vary between 10 and 16 in (25 and 41 cm) and they can reach a length of up to 40 in (100 cm). Maine Coon sound very chirping, often called big cat with a cute voice.

The Siberian

People might get confuse between Siberian and Maine Coon. This is mainly both come from a long-haired family and can grow very big. They make a good companion as they are very loyal. Just like Maine Coon, they have a very soft miawing sound and short purr.Siberian is a strong and powerfully built cat, with strong hindquarters and large, well rounded paws. They have barrel chests and medium sized ears, broad foreheads, and stockier builds than other cats. Siberian is known for hypoallergenic, which can effect a sensitive skin on human. It is advisable to know that you do not have that kind of skin before thinking for Siberian

Bengal

If you're thinking of adopting a leopard, and couldn't afford one, you might consider taking Bengal as substitutes. The Bengal is a relatively new hybrid breed of cat, formed by the cross of a domestic feline and an Asian Leopard Cat ("ALC"). Bengal is active and very vocal, they produce a very "annoying" sound but yet for a cat lover, that can be adorable. You might be interesting if you heard that Bengal cat often be found in Malay Peninsula (yes that Malaysia) during a World War II which is the earliest year of it's founding. Bengal are wild. Bengal cats have "wild-looking" markings, such as large spots, rosettes, and a light/white belly, and a body structure reminiscent of the Leopard Cat. The Bengal's rosetted spots occur only on the back and sides, with stripes elsewhere. The breed typically also features "mascara" (horizontal striping alongside the eyes), and foreleg striping.

   

Scottish Fold

As similar to its name, Scottish Fold is noticeable for it fold-eared either backward or forward. However, not all Scottish Fold are fold-eared. Maru, the hit of sensation on YouTube is one Scottish Fold and barely fold his ear. Scottish Fold , has similar characteristics, the ear is smallest from other breed. Scottish fold are intelligent, and playful, they are very passionate but do not purr and meow much. The same breed of Scottish Fold cannot be mate because the offspring born may be sicks. They are dominant, so mixing with other breed still preserve their cuteness :-)

Persian

The Persian is a longhaired cat characterized by its round face and shortened muzzle.  This is one of the most popular cat among Malaysian. People often mistaken Persian with othe Long-haired cat like Maine Coon and Serbian. In fact, Persian have consistently long-haired generation while Serbian and Maine Coon can be found among the medium-haired family.A show-quality Persian has an extremely long and thick coat, short legs, a wide head with the ears set far apart, large eyes, and an extremely shortened muzzle.The Persian is generally described as a quiet cat. Homely and placid, it adapts well to apartment life. Himalayans tend to be more active due to the influence of the Siamese. One study compared cat owners' perception of their cats and Persians rated higher than non-pedigree cats on closeness and affection to owners, friendliness towards strangers, cleanliness, predictability, vocalization and fussiness over food.

Tonkinese

Tonkinese are a medium-sized cat breed distinguished by points as with Siamese and Burmese breeds. They are lively, friendly, often talkative cats, with gregarious personalities. Its voice is milder in tone than the Siamese; however, it does believe in feline free speech and wants to share all of the day's adventures with you when you come home in the evening.Tonkinese are commonly trim and muscular cats. They are typically heavier than they appear to be, due to their very muscular bodies.They have a distinctive oval-shaped paw, and a modified wedge-shaped head, with large ears set towards the outside of their head. They are unusually intelligent, curious, affectionate with people, and interested in them

A long journey

It has been a while since I wrote my last entry. It's been a dizzying few weeks and each time I felt like writing ( or typing as you may say) something caught me off guard. Like a relative wedding reception, or reception with (s), a caretaker of my step-mom after she had going under a knives or two, and what else?? oh yeah, a frustrating await of a license get to be done, yet, I haven't get my brain thinking like it usual self.

I was always thinking that people might have a negative perception about me, and as far as thing goes, it doesn't fall out away from my own perception. Yes, people do think negative about me. No matter what I did to satisfy people, it will never reach their satisfaction. I don't think I need to say it here who consist on that matter, some people think they are divinely good and simply forget the fact that every people have flaws, even themselves. I don't know, even you think that person as a family, it just the blood that flows in their body is not the same as mine, so the perception exist.

Keep it real and holding tight to the reality

Who need a perfect life if all you have to do is fantasizing? Noted here, fantasy, not dream. It just quite a nature, life is never will be fair to you. In other words, you may find yourself in the arm of the most handsome man in the world, but at the end of day, you will just admit to yourself, if he worth it? I mean you look at yourself, sometime it just unfair that you got to tell him how beautiful creature is he, and you cannot be able to say to yourself. Holding to reality, you know you're amazing, but sometimes, those little whisper shake your confidence.

    

    I always find myself in a dream where all my love is there, family, friends, best friends.  And right where I standing, just a perfect angel-like, protecting me from all the danger. Damn sometimes it was too real I wish I could sleep all day. Sometimes I feel like hate waking up to reality, where world is so cruel, and dream is so perfect. This dream will happen to me in the fortnight, or once in a year, once in six months. It happen to more than once. The problem is, what I feel in the dream, is just too real to believe myself. I once cried because waking up. 

    I even had a wish one day that God will never meet me with anyone so that I will be with this man, in my dream, eternally. Or it might have just make it into the real world guy. 

   A little strong grip to reality is all I need, yes, a little out of reality is what we need. Sometimes it make me think, is all this, is worth the time??? 

   

"Maybe I know somewhere deep in

my soul that love never lasts"

"You can be a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare  

Either way I, don't wanna wake up from you"

"Sick of all the insincere

So I'm gonna give all my secrets away"

Fresh and organic veggy

I always remember at one time, I had a dinner in one restaurant with my family, and the vegetable I ate taste bitter. And then my dad said it cannot be eaten, because it content lots of chemical pesticide that they often used to kill insect. My dad favorite past time is gardening, because his only option to get fresh veggies is by plant it himself, even in local farmer market it was hardly to find organic veggies and fruits. So by that moment, I watched what I eat, if not in dad's house, I will go for option for organic veggies. 

       

     My aunt once had a small surgery for her breast because she had tumor on it ( is that what they call?? I don't know the medical term). She is kinda person that lived in big city, prefer to go to TESCO or CARREFOUR cause the best deal they had on veggies and fruits, and she is a monster in eating eggs. Imagine she can finish up a carton of eggs that contain 36 eggs/ carton in a week. And after she's going through all those surgery, the doctor had advise her to avoid taking lots of process eggs ( the organic one is the best), always go for the organic foods because they aren't likely to contain much chemical in it. I found this article on what veggies you should go for organic on Reader's Digest because those foods often contain lot more pesticide that others that are offered in market

The top 3 culprits:

1. Celery clocking in with 64 pesticides.

2. Peaches with as many as 62 pesticides.

3.Strawberries, especially out of season, with up to 59 pesticides

sources: Reader's Digest by Liz Kennedy

When politics going to stop?

Okay, this is a very stupid question, but come on, seeing people attack each other make me laugh, i know they aren't going to stop, and never will be, we'll just praying that one day the time will come when people in politic unites and we'll be peace....

Creative Billboard

nice....

the unknown brand for alien, might just maybe alien that hang it there

hahahaa.....your nose hair sticking out of it...ewwwwwww

transparent billboard, wait, how they put the people there???

this one is the nicer.....

p/s= all of the picture in this blog is not for any party's benefit, we did not take any profit from the published material

working with mytv3

these are some of the picture from working at melaka maju 2010 with mytv3

Are very much loving the photoshop

ha, most would love Photoshop because you can personally  change your  face, be overly self-centered,  but for me, th existence of Photoshop is to make the photo itself look advanced, that's why we called that asPhotoshop, not Faceshop, we already had faceshop for a product, why need it as software???haha..not funny, i know...

here are some of the photo that i had made advance, with the before and after

before

after

 

before

after

Resipi Puding Karamel

Bahan-bahan:

6 biji telur (grade A)
Susu cair, (or kalau nak sedap susu HL) satu tin
Gula Pasir 5 susu besar (if tak nak manis sangat bleh kurangkan sikit)
Gula kastor, (atau gula halus) 3 sudu
esen vanilla 1 sudu kecil

loyang yang paling kecil korang ada

How???

memula panaskan pengukus dalam api yang paling kecik sekali, ingat paling kecil sekali!!!!

untuk karamel
1. memula, cairkan gula kat atas kuali, sampai kaler dia kekuningan , pastikan jangan sampai keemasan 
sebab nanti pahit
2.then, after dia cair sepenuhnya, tuang kan sedikit air panas, biar dia cair, cause it too sticky nanti tak bleh nak ratakan atas loyang, nak sedap tak yah tuang air, tuang sikit susu panas...
3. pastikan korang buat dulu mixture untuk puding baru buat karamel ni sebab nati dia dah keras susah nak ratakan

untuk puding:
1. campur susu, gula, esen vanilla,dan kacau
2.lepas semua dah sebati dengan susu, masukkan 6 biji telur tadi, kacau gentlely (ingat gentlely)jangan bagi dia berbuih
3. ambil loyang kecil tadi, and then tuang kan karamel, goyangkan loyang tu supaya karamel boleh merebak ke seluruh loyang (kalau korang guna sudu, nanti sudu susah nak basuh)
4. pastu tuang mixture puding tadi dekat atas karamel tadi.hati hati tau!!
5.the kukus selama 30 minit- 35 minit/ atau bila agak2 dah masak tu angkat lah, jgn bia lama sgt nanti gula hangus sgt tak sedap
6. bila dah masak, suka ati nak telangkupkan ke tak atas pinggan tapi piece of advices???better terlangkupkan, and then sejukkan baru sedap untuk dimakan!!!

TIPS:::tips ni i ambik kat internet dengan pertolongan Edward Cullen;p dah diguna pakai and it's work!!

>pastikan api tu betul-betul kecik (tapi jangan samapi kecik sangat air tu tak panas langsung), tapi pastikan kecik lah, cause bila api besar skit je dari yang kecik tu, nanti puding tu berlubang-lubang sebab die mendidih, jadi macam nasi pulak, berlubang-lubang
>and jangan pukul telur kuat sangat jugak, i penah buat, dan hasilnya, puding i macam permukaan bulan yang berjerawat tuh...tak cantik dah..(tapi tetap sedap)
>ada orang buat letak susu pekat, so kalau nak susu pekat, tambah air separuh daripada tin tu dan jangan tambah gula, tapi i prefer susu cair sebab tak manis sangat
>kalau nak cantik lagi or nak commercialize ke, tuang karamel tu dalam bekas2 yang kecik2, and then baru tuang mixture of pudding tu, and then susun dalam pengukus...hasilnya sama je..cuma cantik sikit lah, kalau nak bagi bf blehlah..
> ada sesetengah orang masukkan tepung kastard, tapi i tak suka, rasa pelik,so i tak nak letak tepung kastard 2, nak letak pun bleh je, 2 sudu je tapi..
lastly, selamat mencuba!!!

i hate life

how i wish my memory is take and i remember nothing..yeah, that's because i don't think i have those happy moment, let me be forgetful and lets me develop hatred and love (if there is) all over again, cause the pain that are already there were too much i couldn't bear any more pain..

puppy love

in my last entry, i mention about puppy love...how it can effect your whole life???it depends on how u carry it, sometimes the wind that goes by, might be really helpful, but sometimes when that wind turns into endless storm, well u will know what i mean...wanna know mine?????

i met my very true first love in my first year as junior high school, as in my first year, it was very confusing+ with all the controversy i created, to attract attention from boys, yeah boys...when i met him, i never thought that i will be with him...by the end of the year, I end it up by saying Watashi wa anataga aishiteru...yes it was sweet..
day by days, months by months, i end up to be with him for almost two and a quarter years...well, it didn't end up well as you thought..but i find it way back home, and yet i met another men..as year passing by, i realized that not love that i seek out for in high school, it gotta be education..so get back up...and my high school moment end up very sweet with the straight 6 A's for my spm...i counted how many guys i met after the first heart broken???? the number means nothing but for certain people, '6' can described how i treated man through out those years...

i am more than happy enough to say that campus life is better without man by my side...

campus life

tak tau lan nape malam ni aku rasa frust sangat...online banyak2 sebab nak ilangkan tension...teringat kat dia..bagi yang bukan rumet aku mungkin tak tau sape si dia tu..entahlah, sometimes rasa cam tension plak bila pikir pasal die..one of my rumet pernah tanye, "still hoping lagi ke kat dia"..well u don't understand people. this is not an ordinary crush u people thought of, this is purely a true love that even i don't really get it..susah lah...and actually that is one of the biggest reason kenapa aku buat keputusan yang sangat besar next sem....mesti semua orang terkejut..tapi if aku ditakdirkan terpaksa hadap muka dia hari-hari, rasanya, aku mesti tak leh nak focus kat study, well talking about study, ada lagi one year before aku graduate, and if you have to ask me, campus life is the one that you never wanted to erase from your memory. because that is the time when people start getting mature (tak tau lah certain people yang still immatured tu kan), and that is the time when you start to learn the real love is, bukan puppy love yang kita selalu banggakan tu...bila dah kat campus ni, barulah sedar, apa yang cikgu2 dulu kat sekolah cakap pasal puppy love tu, yang dia tak kekal, bleh buat kita hilang focus dalam study, it was actually 100% true..so people out there, especially high schooler, jangan lah bercinta macam nak rak sampai nak abai pelajaran semua, tapi bila difikirkan balik, lebih baik bercinta masa sekolah, dah rasa masam manis nye, daripada ditinggalkna dan rasa perasaan dikecewakan when you're at the highest point in your life, campus life...

makan belacan byk sikit lain kali

yes i am cynical but i am not stupid sampai tak tau ape itu "belacan" dan "tempoyak", tu namanye bukan moden dan stylish, tapi kalau sampai tak tau pasal culture kaum sendiri, memang layak lah ko tu dipanggil "katak bawah tempurung", ops! oleh kerana ko duduk kat bandar, katak bawah kotak kasut pun blehlah, ntah pape je. klu ye pun kononnye ko tu bodo and knonnye innocent,(innocent lah sgt), tak payah lah buat muka sinis bandar tu ann suruh org ulang balik explaination tu...menyampah aku heeh

let the flame begin

yes i am having a new attitude, one that i think this is the real me, i notice my new small mole today, which i found some cuteness on it, however, some people said, having a new mole mean u are having a brand new attitude??ermmm..wonder what it is. I was thinking of Mark, the man i knew from the internet, which offended of my way of defending my religion...i don't know..just go to hell with him
i got some serious issues of handling my eyes recently. I got a scary to hell eyes and i just can't control my scary to some people i hate.oh man...

i don't know why

im feeling kind of overwhelming right now, i'd been so unlucky in the past few days and now i guess im missing someone..